Christmas Eve 2011

It's been a pretty shit year. Approaching Christmas I've begun to feel more and more heartsick over what's happened. I still find it incomprehensible that Sam is dead. We did our tree decorating a few days ago. It was excruciating.

On the flight over here (Michigan) I read an article about the tsumani in Japan. It was a woman briefly describing the impact it had had on her life. People she knew were "just swept away" and her daughter may have radiation poisoning. Last month I read "Into Thin Air". A book about a Mount Everest tragedy. 12 people died in the space of about 2 days. Though these stories seem as though they don't have anything to do with my life, I find comfort in them. The unthinkable happened. The unimaginable happened. I find that other people having gone through an extreme... experience like that, helps me. I don't know why but it does.

So here I am. Utterly devastated, but experiencing healing through magazine articles, conversations with my hairdresser (woot woot Gaby!), and writing a letter to the Judge who will decide Kat's sentence. I find life very confusing. And though I lose sight of it frequently, way more than I should, I know that God is working. I'm trying to hold on to that. Trying very, very, hard.

Merry Christmas

Janet