Yesterday was a beautiful day. I sat outside and enjoyed the sun, I did the bare minimum for housework, in short I had a day off. At some point in the afternoon I started feeling a bit down, a bit blue. Part of me thought "Well Janet you're probably bored and you should go do something." I did do a few things, got some work done, sent out a few e-mails, the usual. Still didn't feel that great. By the time 9pm rolled around I felt absolutely wretched. Poor Mike was trying to be nice and understanding while not having any idea of what was going on. He didn't know what was going on because I didn't know what was going on. Then it dawned on me. Sam is still dead. He will always be dead. It's heartbreak all over again. I don't really want to describe how that feels.
In short, I sometimes forget that we're still carrying this pain in our hearts and it's bound to leak out. So when I have another one of these days hopefully I'll be more quick to realize what's happening and deal with it appropriately, by eating huge amounts of cookies.
Janet
