Mid-Day Musings

Sometimes when a song comes on, or a memory flits through my mind, my breath is taken away from the sheer sorrow of Sam's death. I miss him. I find that some days I can accept that Sam is dead, and other days it is simply impossible. I beat my fists against the truth of it, wanting to cry out with rage. One doesn't do that though. One simply tries to carry on.

Yesterday I was talking to one of my cousins. We both said sort of the same thing. Now the end of the world doesn't seem like such a bad thing after all. I think one of the things that Sam's death has made me realize is that once Christ comes (or we die, whichever first) we'll be safe, we'll be happy and whole. I realize that I am more open to the idea of Christ coming for possibly the wrong reasons, but it's a start.

Easter was thought provoking for me. I remembered especially the love that came after Sam's death. Our family received cards and prayers from people we had never met before, or people we hadn't seen in years and years. I think it was months before the cards stopped coming. People from all walks of life, Sam's friends from HVS, his Army buddies, the Sword of the Spirit, Word of God, Christ the King, Holy Trinity and so on. Our friends and family were very present for us in those days. They did everything. Bringing meals, talking, supplying the house with tissues, toilet roll, paper plates, napkins. Everything.

I have no clear thoughts on this matter, no point that I'm trying to make, just saying that I'm grateful for these moments of clarity and the realization of God's love and all the forms that it takes.

Happy Easter.